Wanting more too

I want more but not for me..I'm full now after fasting.. Todays church service was awesome, I am still walking around in awe, so much so that playing ball tonight was definately not on my mind lol, as everyone could tell.. and not just because I was scared of the ball hitting my nose again :) I was just talking with my mom last night about the same exact thing the pastor spoke on in church this AM. Last night, having spent 50 bucks to fill my kids with pizza and supply them with fake gold tokens I looked around with eyes that could finally see and saw children and parents possibly going straight to hell and my kids and I were interacting with them! I was there at Chuckee Cheese to give my kids the only fun day they have been able to have while on Spring break and had been feeling guilty for not taking a day off to spend more fun time with my kids so I was trying to make up for it. Then something reminded me that it is not my job to give them a fun life and instead of having them at Chuckee Cheeses wasting time on something they will forget tomorrow, I need to be having them in the word everyday raising them up on fire for God so that they can be that light for the souls of the little chubby hands that were dropping tokens into those distracting machines. YES I WANT MORE... I want to see Christians leading LOST SOULS to Christ instead of getting fat on his word and keeping it all to ourselves. I want to see and be apart of brave ministries where people are not afraid of talking to a group of gang members because we know we have GOD himself on our side. We know the power of God, when someone who was un pure would touch the arch of the covenant, it would strike them dead, so why are we so afraid to do dangerous things for Christ, for God? All of the apostles went all over teaching the word, Christ went out into the streets, he never sat still and would approach demon possesed men that the citizens had tied up to trees in the wildreness. The last three years or so of my life, I believe I have gone through some tough times so that God could show me what it feels like to feel lost. At times I felt like a child in a supermarket having lost my parent (all along he was watching me from afar)God wanted me to feel lost for a moment so that I could finally say I have walked in both shoes. I have seen sad people, sad faces and broken hearts leaving night clubs too drunk to walk straight and I know those people want to be approached and loved on because I was one of those people!..alot of them have seen the power of Christ but are going through a weird time or a horrible time or a nightmare and Christians seem to be too busy with their lives to be there for the ones that GOD put us here for. What is wrong with this picture? When I find myself back in church feeling all beautiful again knowing God still has a calling for my life after he has cleaned me up I still have this guilty horrible feeling when I know I have left them all to fend for themselves. Why are Christians waiting for God to give them a job in the ministry that is in the spotlight or famous?? Hasn't he done this? Is saving a human being from a burning eternal hell fire not a good enough calling for Christians? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT CALLING?? Why does it have to be a famous calling for it to work for us? And why are we WAITING FOR HIM TO SPEAK TO US ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS US TO DO? WE ARE ALL CALLED like pastor KC preached about! WHERE ARE WE? I remember being in a bar right after my husband got sentenced being hurt with the church because I wanted and needed someone to talk to and not only could I not find immediate family that would just lend an ear(sorry guys lol)but much less a church at the time. NO ONE WAS THERE UNLESS I WAS BUYING THEM A DRINK! I was raised in church and grew up in church and have depended on church my whole life but why have I always had to find the church to be found?? Why couldnt the church have found me? I do want more, I want to find the lost, the hurting, the broken, the called who are confused about life as God shapes their life and while we're bringing those back home, we pick up a few more from the crowd while we're at it. I want to see lost souls falling on their faces at alter calls because they have finally been found and it's what they have been looking for their whole lives! I want to teach our children to want wisdom and fruits of the spirit instead of a gummy worm worth a thousand tickets at Chuckee Cheese. I want to steak out night clubs for people too drunk to drive and give them a ride home. Literally! Does anyone see where I'm going with this?